IN A SOCIETY THAT GLORIFIES THE STRENGTH AND UNWAVERING DETERMINATION OF BLACK WOMAN, I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE THAT THE SBW NARRATIVE IS PLAYED OUT.

Solving your unhealthy relationship with work, your relationship problems, and your lack of self-care are just some of the ways that being a SBW is negatively impacting you.

What if I told you that, your problems are rooted in your inability to prioritize your well-being and commit to unlearning the SBW narrative. Could it be that this description of Black womanhood, once seen as empowering, is now outdated and in need of redefinition?"

Underneath this iconic persona of strength is a complex reality—a narrative that often forces Black women to hide their vulnerabilities, downplay their pain, and suffer in silence (code for resilience). Operating under the 'strong black woman' narrative is no longer sustainable and it is time for a new conversation about what it truly means to be strong?"

It is time for you to take ownership of your womanhood, well-being, and your work.

As a former SBW, I completed a whole dissertation on how Black professional women reappropriate strength and redefine what it means to be a SBW. Not only am I a scholar on this topic, but I have lived experience around how we Unlearn That Sh!t! I come from a long line of SBW that needed to be strong for their survival. I am not implying that yo mama’s the problem, or that strength problematic, but I am saying that maybe you are using it wrong.

As we navigate the world around us, it becomes increasingly evident that who we are and how we engage with the world around us is being shaped by external influence and expectations. From birth, we are molded by the norms, values, and external expectations (both familial and societal). It seems that everyone has an opinion about how you should navigate Black womanhood, but you. Your voice has been silenced and with everyone telling you who to be and how to be, how can you recover from being a SBW?

One of the places that I see the SBW narrative showing up the most is in our work. Before you decide to stop reading, hear me out. Slavery conditioned us to be workaholics. Therefore our relationship to work is a trauma response. Gabor Mate said that workaholism is the only socially acceptable addiction in our society. And Black women are at the center of this crisis-making work bae and sleeping with the enemy. You need to change your relationship with SELF and your work. #workthesystemdontletitworkyou

Operating under the SBW narrative is doing more harm than good and the SBW narrative was not created for your well-being. In fact, the SBW narrative was created to justify the mistreatment of enslaved Black women. I don’t know about you sis, but I am free and when I came to this realization, I became obsessed with Unlearning that Sh!t so that I could live my best life. 

The historical narrative of Black womanhood can only begin to benefit you when you reappropriate the meaning of strength and learn to redefine SBWomanhood. Because you have been conditioned to be strong and you continue to perform strength, the decision for you to take charge of your well-being is critical. As Black women, we learn to be strong from our mothers, our grandmothers, our aunts, and even the church ladies.

The wisdom of our maternal lineage can still be honored as you learn to prioritize your wellness. However, if you decide that this work feels optional, here are 15 reasons why being a SBW is problematic:

The stress that you feel in your work, in your relationships, and your overall lack of self-care are connected to your relationship of being a SBW.

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    Stereotyping

    The label of being a SBW can perpetuate stereotypes that suggest all Black women are expected to be exceptionally strong, which is unsustainable and unrealistic.

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    Emotional Suppression-

    The expectation of strength often leads to emotional suppression, which also contributes to Black women’s inability to show vulnerability.

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    Fearful of Vulnerability

    Vulnerability is complex. Especially for the SBW, being vulnerable may feel unsafe. Being vulnerable is defined in opposition to how we define strength. Trust in relationships is an important aspect of vulnerability, but even more so developing self-trust can liberate you from your fear of vulnerability.

  • Burnout

    The constant pressure to be strong can lead to burnout. Burnout is a side effect of Black women feeling like they cannot take a break and seek support.

  • Chronic Stress

    Nervous system dysregulation, emotional suppression, physical and mental and exhaustion cause chronic stress.

  • Deteriorating Health

    Chronic stress, physical exhaustion, and emotional exhaustion. often lead to physical health concerns.

  • Lack of Support and Continued Disappointment

    Expectations of strength can deter others from offering support which also in turns leaves the SBW being hyper independent and feeling disappointed when others use their strength as a reason not to provide support.

  • Low Self-Esteem

    Internalizing the expectation of strength can negatively impact your esteem, especially as you start to recognize that this narrative is not sustainable.

  • Ignoring Mental Health Concerns

    Being the “strong” friend keeps us from acknowledging our own needs and over time has a negative impact on our mental health.

  • Struggle Invisibility

    SBW often perform strength and make struggle look good. Struggle invisibility and functional depression make changing your relationship your relationship with SELF and work really hard.

  • Loss of Sense of Self

    The SBW narrative creates an identity crisis. When you continually put the needs of others above your own, eventually you forget who you are.

  • Lack of Self-Care

    It can be hard for SBW to prioritize self-care and wellness in a world that barely honors your humanity. Beach vacations are great, but you have to return to the unsustainable way of being. Often our self-care practices are surface level and only provide temporary relief.

  • Role Inflexibility

    being a SBW often means that you are constantly operating in your masculine energy, performing, and being hyper-independent.

  • Exhaustion

    the weight of racial and gender-related stressors is exhausting.

  • Relationship Strain

    Maintaining the facade of strength can strain relationships (intimate and social relationships)

Think about it…

How has strength been demonstrated for you? Can you see anyone in your maternal lineage in this list? If you are being honest with yourself, how have the expectations of others influenced and shaped your identities, beliefs, and behaviors? How do you perform strength and to what extent do you need to break free from the choke hold that being a SBW has on you?

FOR BLACK WOMAN, STRENGTH IS OFTEN SYNONYMOUS WITH STRUGGLE.

Perpetuating the myth of the SBW continues to have a detrimental impact on Black women.

The list could go on and on, but I promise that I am not going to hold you.  If this makes sense and you see your lived experience represented in this essay, feel free to (link)  

For centuries Black womanhood has been pathologized and weaponized. And for far too long, most of us have had problematic coping strategies.

As a mother, a wife, a researcher, and therapist who has worked with so many clients through this process— trust me when I say that your healing is so much deeper than a words of affirmation, pushing through, and a beach vacation. Black women have coped by distracting themselves with work, isolation, eating and suppressing their emotions, praying, and pushing through.

Now before you come for me, prayer is amazing and if we are being honest, I am where I am today because I had a grandmother that was praying for me in this midst of my foolishness. But sis, faith without works is dead. So, if you are feeling called out, I got you! Know that I am on a divine assignment to liberate Black women and help you break these generational curses.

I am here to help you Unpack Your Strength Story and “Unlearn that Shit”

CONTRIBUTION OF THE STRONG BLACK WOMAN NARRATIVE 

The SBW is often recognized as a cornerstone and pillar of the Black community. Despite the history and many iterations of stereotyping and the weaponization of Black womanhood, black women continue to be pillars of strength in the Black community. Black women exemplify audacity, grit, and unwavering support for the Black community. The work that we do is unmatched. Our labor, both physical and emotional, should be acknowledged without fear of pathology and stereotyping. 

The SBW narrative continues to shape our history and our future. From slavery, to the civil rights movements, to art, and the culture. The legacy of the SBW continues to sparked discussions on identity, representation, how we understand strength, and resistance. However, the true measure of Black womanhood is our ability to save ourselves.

Ask yourself, ‘is it time for an evolution in our understanding of strength, vulnerability, and the roles we assign to Black women in society?’

I want to teach you a new way of being. I want to teach you how to unlearn the SBW narrative and change your relationship with work and learn to prioritize your wellness.

Healing the SBW refers to the process and practice of recognizing and addressing the mental, physical, and emotional well-being of Black women. Tuning into yourself is how you heal the SBW in you. Isolating yourself is a temporary solution that perpetuates loneliness, drowning yourself in work makes work your bae and it does not solve your problem. Lying to yourself about self-care and wellness works until it doesn’t.

#nervousbreakdown 

The healing process is about getting good at self-management and engaging in:

  • 01

    Self-Awareness

  • 02

    Self-Care

  • 03

    Self-Centering

  • 04

    Self-Compassion

  • 05

    Self-Love

  • 06

    Self-Exploration

  • 07

    Self-Discovery

  • 08

    Self-Advocacy

  • 09

    Self-Investment

  • 10

    Self-Wellness

SIS, YOU HAVE BEEN DOING IT ALL WRONG.

Your problematic coping strategies will eventually catch up with you and if you are reading this essay, they probably already have.

If you look around and at the Black women in your circle and you are the strong friend, you are the one that everyone comes to, then you probably already see the need to change.

Unlearning the SBW narrative is a recovery process that takes you from being a SBW to a recovering strong Black woman (RSBW) to a well Black woman (WBW).

Unpacking your Strength Story is a live workshop that creates the foundation for unlearning what it means to be a SBW. Unlearning the SBW narrative is how you prioritize your wellness and change your relationship with SELF and your work.

BUILDING A NEW NARRATIVE:

REDEFINING SBWOOMANHOOD

Resisting what it means to be a SBW is how we resist the attack on Black womanhood. Redefining Black Womanhood is a powerful way to challenge and reshape existing stereotypes and expectations, but most importantly redefining SBWomanhood is how you begin to prioritize your wellness and Unlearn that Sh!t.

How will you begin to redefine Black womanhood?

WORK WITH ME

  • Workshop: Unpacking your Strength Story

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    1:1 Coaching (6 or 9 months packages) in which the complete framework is taught

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  • Group Coaching: RSBW

    Group Coaching for SBW Recovery, Burnout Recovery, and Nervous System Regulation

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  • Mastermind: WBW

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